Diagnosis: Terminal
Understand that Grief shows up early
A terminal diagnosis has been given to your loved one. “Death” has shown up, yet in reality, it’s still a ways off and you are now playing a “waiting” game. Your participation is required and not optional at this point. The ups and downs of the journey ahead, have begun.
As you navigate this awful terrain, you may want to be aware of some of the changes that will be coming. During this illness, you and your loved one will be experiencing a wide array of emotions that you may never have felt before. This is normal.
Initially, you will begin the natural states of grief, the first one being Denial. It may be hard to accept that this is going to be the final outcome that awaits your loved one at this time of life.
- Denial: Refusing to accept the reality of the diagnosis.
Next will come the Anger stage. It may be triggered in ways that you didn't expect. You may get angry at your loved one for not “taking better care of themselves” or even at circumstances that led you to this place.
- Anger: Feeling frustrated or resentful towards your loved one, the situation, or even yourself.
In an attempt to regain control of life now, you may engage in the next stage of Bargaining with yourself or with God. In this stage you may hear yourself make promises of being a “better person” or wishing to trade places with your loved one.
- Bargaining: Making deals or promises in hopes of changing the outcome.
Blame may also appear in the mix, faulting the professional medical persons for not having the “answer” or yourself in not acting sooner.
Blame may also appear in the mix, faulting the professional medical persons for not having the “answer” or yourself in not acting sooner.
- Blame: Directing anger towards medical professionals or oneself.
Guilt will take you to a sad place that you will not want to remain in. Reliving past regrets and what-ifs never helps.
- Guilt: Feeling responsible or regretful for actions or circumstances.
You and your loved one may experience the highs and lows of “recovery” and “relapses” in health. This season will manifest itself in a confusingly hopeful then heart-breaking summary of events.
- Emotional Rollercoaster: Experiencing highs and lows due to fluctuating health conditions.
Possible Coping Mechanisms
Communication is key here. Sharing real feelings with supportive friends and family members can relieve some of the extreme stress. You may even find a new connection with someone who can relate how they maneuvered a similar time in their life.
Although death will eventually take your loved one, their love and significant impact in your life will remain.
Finding Peace and Acceptance
As you travel through this difficult time, finding Peace and Acceptance becomes an integral part of a healthy process. Everyone's path in Grief is unique. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Communicating lessons learned and embracing the love shared with each other can bring a sense of gratitude and fulfillment, even amidst sorrowful hearts.
Next Steps:
In some ways, a terminal diagnosis can bring us to the reality of an eventual death day. None of us are set to escape it.
Death days are very stressful. Consider taking some time to work through some of what is going to be required of you or your survivors at that time.
At Tanzyus Logan we encourage going through the prearrangement process. Pre-Arrangement can settle some emotional questions, many financial questions and create a path that family's can follow more easily when the day arrives.
Feel free to download the free informational sheet on what is going to be required that Day, and reduce the extreme stress by getting the conversation going Today instead.